Fighting for the Freedom of Children

Posted on Nov 15, 2011

Galatians 5:13 – You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

The development of babies is so incredibly fascinating because adults have such little ability to communicate with them.  We can express happiness or frustration.  We can be attentive or neglectful.  That’s pretty much it.  We can’t communicate our specific desires (much as we might try), and attempts at reasoning with a baby are hopeless.  Given society’s attitude toward the rest of children, you’d think that babies would be lazy, self indulgent, and apathetic without this adult intervention. 

Interestingly, the extreme opposite is the case. Babies motivate themselves to learn a language they’ve never encountered (and can learn dozens of languages concurrently if exposed to them). They teach themselves to crawl, walk, and run.  They learn how to communicate their desires with completely individualized gestures and sounds. They develop and explore passions deeply. The adult’s major role in all of this? Making sure the baby is nurtured, nourished, and safe. I’m sure we’d like to insert ourselves more, but babies seem to be specifically designed to ignore what we say and do as we do. During our summer camp at Vanderkamp, we try to learn the lesson that babies try to teach us:  Giving a child loving freedom and leading by example is all we need to do to help a child fulfill his or her potential.

Babies achieve these monumental milestones without any direct instruction from adults.  I never sent my son to a speech teacher or a physical therapist, but there he is, walking and talking.  He observed the world around him, decided what seemed to be important, and didn’t stop until he could do things that seemed valuable.  His body and brain were programmed to flourish this way. Any interventions on my part very likely would have screwed things up! Can you picture me saying, “Okay, to make an “N” sound, place your mouth just like this…” As soon as adults can communicate with children, however, all of these lessons appear to be lost.  The freedom given to a baby to explore his or her natural world gives way to the whims and fancies of adults who all of a sudden are able to communicate that they know best.  But what would happen if we admitted that maybe, just maybe, we don’t always know best?

What we do know is that giving someone freedom is necessary for that person to become confident and wise. Jesus seemed to agree with this. Indeed – he had power to make all of our choices for us, but instead left us to our own devices.  Why would he do this? Why would it be important to him to let us make our own decisions?

When a person is free, he or she is able to make choices based on his or her own decision making process. After a choice is made, the person can evaluate if it was a good one or a bad one. The person will intuitively catalogue which decisions turn out positively and which turn out negatively. Touching the stove? Not so great.  Hugging mom? Seemed to work out well.  As a person collects these data, bad choices will give way to good choices over time.  In an ideal society, this person will also encounter extremely credible and trustworthy mentors who will help this person make choices that not only work out in the short term, but in the long term.  At Vanderkamp retreat center and summer camp, we believe this to be the primary role of the adult in an adult-child relationship.  We strive to establish ourselves as intensely loving and credible individuals, so that children will take our word on things that require a little bit of faith. 

Even the scenario where an adult is a perfect decision maker for a child does not always work out so well in the long term.  If children become dependent upon adults to make good choices for them, they may be without the ability to make those choices for themselves when given the opportunity to.  Many children go off to college and use that freedom very unwisely.  The consequences for a child who makes unwise choices in college are often dire – from failing out of school and wasting the money invested to causing great bodily harm to himself or herself.  A camp that emphasizes making good choices can be a “training-wheels” opportunity for the real world of college and beyond, with the safety net that someone will gently guide you back on course should you go astray. 

Giving children the opportunity to make decisions and learn from them is absolutely crucial to their development. During our summer camp program, we see the role of the adult as an excited partner who happens to have the wisdom necessary to keep everybody safe. We aren’t shy about keeping people physically and emotionally safe, but we do not dictate campers’ interests to them. We simply show them abounding love and enthusiasm for exactly who they are, and attempt to join in their enthusiasm for things while providing engaging options for them to be excited about.

Perhaps the most important aspect of freedom is self-discovery. A child given freedom from a young age can start to discern likes and dislikes and gain confidence in knowing that he or she is capable of finding worthwhile pursuits in life. This child will be unlikely to settle for suboptimal life choices – from relationships to career choices. The freedom to explore one’s interest might only lead one to know what one doesn’t like, but this is a far preferable outcome to being forced to do something one knows one doesn’t like.

Up here near Syracuse, NY, we’re doing our best to learn those lessons from early childhood.  As a parent models walking and talking with the faith that a baby will one day follow, we model Christian values, enthusiasm, and love – and have seen that not much in these children has changed since they were babies. They are inspiringly capable, deeply loving, and fiercely passionate. No matter what we do, children will soon have total freedom over their lives.  Using freedom wisely is a skill, and we love being the mentors who help children hone this ability.