Preventing and Coping with Bullying at a Christian Summer Camp
Why we don’t bully our bullies
When I was in sixth grade, I was bullied pretty consistently by one specific person. I walked around the hallway each day for several months fearing that he would corner me and attempt to intimidate me. He never hit me or physically attacked me in any way, but the threats were so consistent that it ate away at my ability to reason. He threatened that if I ever told anyone, I’d be in serious trouble. So I didn’t. Eventually it stopped, but the remnants of that bullying still lives on in me today.
When I was a summer camp counselor, I bought fully into the “zero tolerance” approach that’s very common in schools today. Any time I witnessed any bullying, I would take the bully aside and, well, bully him. I’d use threats that he would be sent home from camp, that his parents would be disappointed in him, and told him that I was disappointed in him. Sometimes this worked, and I’d pat myself on the back. Sometimes it didn’t, and I would consider the bully a lost cause, figuring that I’d at least tried my best. I used this approach through 2006, and thought myself a proper crusader against bullying.
Fast forward to 2011, when I took the job here at Vanderkamp. I had read countless books on child development at this point, and had begun to believe fully that most problems that happen between children can be prevented before a cure is ever necessary. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of curse, as they say! The major steps we take at Vanderkamp to prevent problems between summer campers are as follows:
1) Supervision. If there are always counselors present, then bullying is far less likely. Since our sleeping arrangements are set up so that kids are almost never fully alone, would-be-bullies have almost no opportunity to pick out their prey.
2) Enthusiastic participation. My counselors and I are constantly excitedly engaged in all of our summer camp activities. Not only does this make the activities simply more fun, it also ups the ante for us in terms of how we are supervising. It’s one thing to stand idly by with one’s eyes on a soccer game, and it’s a totally different thing to be in that game as a physical and spiritual presence.
3) Constant, growth mindset affirmation. All staff members here are trained to constantly be seeking the good in people and pointing it out. When children are constantly being built up by people whom they look up to, they are far less likely to feel the need to assert themselves by bullying others. Most research points to bullying being a manifestation of a loss of control in a child’s life. When a child accepts that a hierarchy exists where some people are better than others, he or she will naturally try to find people worse than him or her. If, on the other hand, a child is constantly affirmed in a way that values virtue, the child will be more likely to try to demonstrate virtue. Since bullying is very clearly going to garner negative attention, almost all children will opt to take the readily available positive attention instead.
4) The “No Discount” policy. “No Discount” is a phrase that’s uttered any time someone says something to put down himself, someone else, or an activity. It simply means that we strive to accept everyone at their full value – that we don’t want to take away from anyone or any thing. This creates a natural, self policing, positive culture. Children are free to point out if a counselor is discounting something (typically their own singing voice!), and are free to point it out to each other as well. It’s a very easy and non-confrontational way to point out when a conversation is trending toward the negative. The “No Discount” policy acts as a first responder to any potentially tense situation. It immediately de-escalates things regardless of whether people say they were “just kidding.” When people know that put-downs are unacceptable, they are a lot less likely to do them. When staff and children are empowered with a tool to help snuff out mean behavior at its roots without having to make a judgment call as to whether it was “only a joke,” teasing never spirals out of control.
Now last summer, we did not have any instances of bullying, so the “What do you do when it actually occurs?” question can only be answered hypothetically. But here’s a simple fact: bullies come about not because they are inherently bad, but because they come from very difficult life situations. We believe the Christian response to bullying can be found in the way Jesus treated people from tough walks of life. We believe that bullies, most of all, need to be shown compassion. You see, bullies are used to being mistreated. They expect it. It’s par for the course in their lives. They often fully believe that some people are the bullies, and some people are the bullied. When caught and bullied by an adult, they will accept it, and often humble themselves before the adult. But when the adult is gone? They seek to fill the role of the bully. Instead of trying to threaten and intimidate these bullies, we will seek to ask them questions. What makes you want to be mean to him? Have people been mean to you? How did that make you feel? Would you want someone else to feel that way? Has anyone treated you that way here?
Loving them for who they are, even if it's a pipe cleaner monster!
The root cause of bullying is not an inherent evil in any child. The root cause is the terribly difficult things going on in that child’s life. One can’t scare the difficult circumstances out of a child’s life. One can’t threaten, or cajole, or bribe that child into compliance. As always, the answer starts with love. Now if we believe a child will continue to make things unsafe for others who come here, we are unequipped to have that child stay at summer camp with us. But we’ll make sure that any child who comes here leaves feeling loved, even if he or she has to leave early because he or she never resonates with the environment we create.
Send your child to Vanderkamp this summer to see what all the fuss is about. Regardless of how tough your child’s life has been, Vanderkamp is the safest summer camp in central New York.
